Do you listen?  Most of the time, I do.  I have always “gone with  my gut” when I could not make a decision based on research.  I always listen to my gut when I am deciding how I feel about people.  Where I have trouble is with my training.  Sometimes, I am not sure if it is my gut, or if it’s my lazy subconscious telling me not to work out that day.

Whenever I feel unsure about working out, I start with baby steps.  I set my first goal as to simply get my workout clothes on.  Once I achieve that, then I tell myself to just get out the door.  Then, it’s maybe just run one mile and then reassess or go a quick three miles on the bike and see how I feel then.  That usually gets me moving enough that I don’t have convince myself to continue and I finish the scheduled workout.  A body in motion stays in motion, they say.

The other morning was a little different.  I was up and ready to go, excited to do my ten mile bike ride.  The moment I started to walk out the door, I got this really sinking feeling…. and I was actually scared.  I’ve only been really scared once on a run, and that was due to a super creepy guy on the greenway in a section where I had no where to go if something went down.  Other than that, for the most part I am comfortable heading out the door in the dark on my own.

I am always careful.  I always make sure I scan around in the distance so I know what to expect.  It could be a fellow runner or cyclist headed my way that may need to pass or someone walking dogs ahead (for which I always slow down to ensure the dogs see me too).  I am very much aware that there is a certain danger in being out there alone.  I don’t believe that the possibility that something bad could happen does not exist… but, while I may lack confidence in other things I do know that if faced with the need to fight, I will.  I’m not saying I have super abilities or have been trained in such a way that I know I could win any fight.  I am simply saying that I will fight with everything I have to get out of any situation in which there is possible harm and if that means I am forced to harm someone else, I will.

Leaving that morning was different.  It was not elevated cautiousness, which I have felt before.  It was actual fright for some reason.  I told myself it was just part of me not wanting to go and at least get a couple miles in.  See how I felt once I hit the greenway, I told myself.  I headed out the door and to the greenway.  Once I got onto the greenway, I reassessed.  Still felt scared.  I told myself to just ride to Sunrise.  Still felt scared.  I told myself to just get to Broward.  Still felt scared.   When I took a second to reassess in that moment, I realized that I was really not doing well.  Yes, I was getting the miles in, but with horrible form!  My heart rate was more elevated, I was not keeping form or pace.  I was constantly looking around, almost in a panic and my body was so tense!

I had done four miles at this point, and had another four to do if I turned back at that moment.  One more mile, and I would end up completing my goal of ten, but I decided that after all this if I was still feeling this way I would turn around.  I made a u-turn (it was a right turn, still need to work on those lefts!) and headed home.  I immediately felt like I was doing the right thing, which set me at ease bit I still felt scared for some reason.  I got close to home and thought about doing two more miles because I don’t like not reaching a goal, but decided not to.

I cannot describe the sense of relief I felt when I got to my driveway.  What would have happened if I had continued, and completed those extra miles?  I have no idea, but I do know that not doing those two miles did not hurt my training in any way.  I do know that only my pride is hurt but not doing those two miles.  And I do know that I made it home safe and hugged my boys hard that morning.  I trust my gut and I feel very grateful that, while it may have taken some time, I eventually listed to it.

Do you ever have to take small steps to motivate yourself into doing something?  Have you ever had to change plans because something was just not right?  Share your story below.  Until next time!