One of the goals I set this year was to write 6 blog posts.  The primary reason for this goal was to try to figure out if I wanted to keep up with the blog site. I started blogging back in June of 2016. I was running, trying to get into triathlon and thought that I could share my adventures and maybe inspire someone to do the same. 

I wrote a blog post every month for about a year and a half and then things slowed down. I wrote 5 posts in 2018, same in 2019, 4 in 2020 and just 1 in 2021.  It was about the fact that I had been lost. I was no longer into those things and feeling frustrated with myself for not having gotten as fit as I hoped, or as far along in triathlon as I had dreamed.  I stopped posting because I struggled with seeing myself as someone who was “worthy” of others looking to them. I need to work on how I saw myself.  That’s when I started to really try to dig deep and figure out what I really found joy in. I started to actually try to do things I wanted to do for so long and taking risks.  That’s also when I started my first videos.

In my first blog post of 2022, I finally came clean about my channel and my second post had been sitting in my drafts for a while, I just had to update it a bit. They were easy. It’s June and this will be my third post for the year. The reminder to create a post came up weeks ago.  I tried and had nothing to write. It came up again, about a week ago, and I tried again. I looked at one of my old drafts and it didn’t inspire me.

In the shower this morning, which is sometimes where I do my best thinking, I tried to figure out why I am struggling so much.  The reason is, it’s forced.  There are a half dozen things I would rather do than write a post. I don’t enjoy it as much or feel inspired because all my ideas have already been expressed in video form. I’ve been making videos for over a year, I’ve made over 50 of them at this point.  I don’t always have fresh ideas, or love what I have made, but I have put it out there.  Good, bad, or really bad, I am putting my heart and soul into those videos, and into the journey that they represent. I don’t have much left after that for blog posts.

Then I began to think about why I set the goal.  To see if I wanted to continue with the blog, and I don’t need more posts to know that, well, I don’t. Right now, I just don’t want to post regularly. I worry about letting someone down, but let’s be real.  No one is truly going to be affected by me posting or not to this blog.  Most people don’t worry about what everyone else is doing, they worry about what they are doing and what they have going on in their lives. So it brought me back to that fear of what others think of you.  What will people think if I have this blog and don’t post? What will people think if I post only once a year? What will people think if I let go, or fail, at that goal of writing 6 posts this year?

Most of the time, we don’t know what people think, but I can actually answer all those questions with “not a damn thing”.  No one will be affected by it, and chances are no one would even give it another thought if I didn’t mention it. So, it is with a light heart that I say “I’ll see you when I see you”, as far as blog posts go.

And let me tell you, it feels so good!  I am keeping the site, and the blog.  I’ll post when and if the mood strikes, but this is one more place where I am going to do what’s right for me and what I want to do.  I enjoy making videos, I am not enjoying forced blog posts. Sometimes, saying no to things, and knowing when to move on, is the best thing you can do. So, I won’t force any more blog posts. If one comes to me, it will come to you. Yeah, it’s one goal that I may mark as failed, but it’s a fail for all the right reasons and that, makes it a success.

Until next time…..