Run

I am an athlete…. right?

I have a real hard time with deciding if I consider myself an athlete and I often beat myself up when I miss a workout.  I know that “they say” if you run, you are a runner!  It took a really long time for me to agree to consider myself a runner.  Especially when I was so unhappy with how I looked and felt.  I felt unworthy walking into a running store.  I didn’t really want to speak with anyone.  Afraid I would embarrass myself, I never asked questions or interacted with the amazing people that work at running stores.  I still tell myself that one day I am going to show up to a  group run, but have yet to do so.  For the most part, I do some sort of workout six days a week for at least a half hour.  I never feel like that is enough.  I increased it to an hour a day over the last couple weeks.

My son says I research way too much sometimes.  (Don’t tell him, but sometimes he is right about that!)  I have been researching beginner triathlon plans.  In my readings I somehow ended up getting a link to a book called “Level up your life” by Steve Kamb.  I can’t remember the exact quote or if it was from his book or blog, but he said something about not letting the decision making process help you avoid making the actual decision.  That really resonated with me, because that is exactly what I was doing.  I knew I could not afford a trainer right now.  I am putting myself first in many ways, but was not going to over extend our finances.

For the triathlon, I decided to follow a training plan that Garmin has.   The “problem” I have, is that the workouts almost seem too “easy on me”.  Now, I am totally judging them without even having tried any of the workouts yet, but how can it be a challenge if a  run is for 20 minutes?  How can a bike ride be a challenge if it is less than an hour?  Oh, by the way, the swim part, that is terrifying!  I don’t care how “easy” that one could look on paper.  I know the pool grows the moment you get in!

I won’t consider myself a triathlete until I do a triathlon.  I am ok with calling myself a runner, but should I consider myself an athlete?  Or do I need to generate a paycheck with athleticism to be considered an athlete?  I think I will take baby steps and call myself a runner who’s trying to become a triathlete.  Yeah, I am ok with that one.

Do you consider yourself an athlete?  What makes an athlete?  Share your thoughts below.

Swim

When I purchased my membership to the city lap pool, I had visions of myself swimming lap after lap.  I decided to head over this evening and get a good 30 minutes or so in the pool. I wondered if it would be enough time.  When I got there, the pool was set up for 25 yard laps, not 50 like I had hoped.  Oh well, I can deal with “small” laps I thought, no biggie.  Sigh.

I got in and the sheer magnitude of the pool consumed me.  The other end looked way further away than it had before I got in.  Did someone convert the pool to 50 yards as I got in?  I mean there is no way only 25 yards looks that far…..  ok, shake it off.   I told myself I had done laps for 30 straight minutes in our own pool, so just because it’s further, doesn’t mean I can at least do the same amount of time.  I also decided that since I was not going to have anywhere to push off of for my triathlon, that I would not push off the wall either.  Off I went.  In my mind, I was a stealth seal gliding though the water.  I would be at the other end in no time.  Man, hope my Garmin can keep up with me.

As I reached about the halfway mark, I started to realize that I had lied to myself.  I have never truly done thirty straight minutes of laps!  I always took a moment here and there to just catch my breath.  I stopped and played around with D2 a few minutes.  Sure, I logged 30 in my app, but how much of that time was actually swimming.  Jesus, when will I get to the other end and bout fifty other things went through my mind.  I felt like Dory…. just keep swimming, just keep swimming, I told myself.

I knew the swim was going to be my triathlon arch nemesis.  I knew that I would be one of those people that might have to take second so that I would not have a panic attack.  I knew all that, but somewhere in my cocky mind, I thought I would overcome it, easily.

When I started running, I loved the reaction people gave when they would ask how far I ran that day.  “Oh, only 8 miles today,” I would say.  I knew that was nothing to brush off.  After all, I was someone that could not do a 5k without feeling like I could die.   That didn’t stop that little glimmer of joy I got at making light of 8 miles to someone.  Yes, it’s less than I have done in the past, but 8 miles is no small feat!  It’s an accomplishment and I think I was proud of that without wanting to look “too proud.”  Being proud of my own accomplishments is something I need to work on.  So, when I tell people that I am going to do a triathlon, I am beyond proud, but I am always sure to down play it for some reason.  I am quick to say “oh, but a baby one, not an ironman or something.  It’s short.  Just a quarter mike swim, like 10 miles on the bike and a 5k…. that’s all.”

I did six laps in that pool today, with resting in between it was about 17 minutes and  I wanted to crawl in a hole and sleep for hours.  Not just because I was tired, but because I felt defeated.  That is the equivalent of 150 yards.  In two months I need to swim 400 yards.  All the negative thoughts came pouring into my head, much like the water pours into my mouth with my current “breathing” technique during freestyle swimming.  The words “it’s just a quarter mile swim” will never be uttered by my mouth again.