I did my first open water swim in the wetsuit this weekend.  I was excited to go to the beach but as we left, my mind filled with dread.  I was scared that if the experience wasn’t good, it would ruin all the positive self talk I have been doing.  It’s strange because I grew up on the beach.  I spent countless hours in the water, swimming and surfing (well, trying to anyway).  We went out on the boat often and we would jump into the ocean for a swim.  I used to love the water.  What happened?  I have no idea, I can guess that it’s just years of always trying to protect myself by thinking of all the things that could go wrong and how to avoid or remedy them.

I got to the shore line and immediately thought: There is no way I can do this.  I may as well quit now and save the effort.  I tried to stop the negative thoughts and focus on one thing I could do to move forward.  Just get into the water and wade around.  Yes, that would work.  I have no obligation to whip out some performance swim.  I told myself to just play in the water.  Try to enjoy myself.  I headed out to past where the waves were breaking and to my surprise, I could stand there.  The water was pretty shallow at that point, which made me feel a little better.

I started off and quickly realized how much better it felt to swim with the wetsuit on.  The buoyancy is amazing!  I also realized that my form went to crap.  I tried to focus on my stroke and as I watched the bottom beneath me move, I thought I must be making some great progress!  I stopped to check my trusty Garmin….. What the hell?  Only 62 meters?!  UGH.  I was totally bummed.  I thought for sure I was swimming like mad and should have gotten way farther.  Then I thought back to what an experienced athlete told me.  He stated that while the wetsuit is great for keeping you afloat, when in the ocean you don’t realize the distance or direction you are going.  It feels like you are getting nowhere.  That was exactly what was happening.  I decided to stop worrying about distance and try to focus on how I was breathing, how much I kept my face in the water, etc.  That helped.  I practiced flipping to my back, then over again, sighting, and on my technique.

Part of me was having such a great time.  I felt fantastic about how safe I felt and started to slowly get used to it and wasn’t  as panic filled anymore.  The other part of me was horrified.  I was feeling rather exhausted, and I was not sure how in the world I could crank out 1,000 meters.  This was going to be rough.  I did check the watch again and soon it became 200 meters, and eventually 500.  I decided that was enough for the day and headed in.

I practiced taking my wetsuit off as if I was in the triathlon.  While I’m not really worried about transition, it’s helpful to give it a try.  As I got to the shoreline to greet my boys, a man and his wife were walking on the sand.  He said “You’re an inspiration!….. I always get inspired when I see people doing what you are doing, cause I don’t do it.”   I thanked him and as he walked away, Darin said to me “see, you are an inspiration.”  That comment from a total stranger made my day.  He didn’t know if I was a noob or seasoned triathlete.  To him, the fact that I was out there practicing was inspirational and that was enough to inspire me to try again Sunday.

I didn’t want to go Sunday, but I told myself that I would go as many times as I could before I decided if I needed to change to the sprint distance or even just call it a loss.  We headed to the beach and once again I jammed myself into the wetsuit and headed to the shoreline.  Today, I told myself I would do more of the same.  Feel the water practice breathing and start to pay attention to how it felt to swim with or against the flow.  I got out to where I wanted to swim and stuck my head in.  To my surprise, there was a sting ray right under me!  I freaked out for half a second, not so much in a bad way but I squealed like a kid and giggled to myself as I scrambled to get away from it.  I walked back towards the shore to tell Darin what happened before heading back out.  Once again, I put my head in the water and sure enough I saw it again.  I quickly went in the opposite direction it was moving to try to make sure not to step on it by accident somehow.  I was still a little freaked out but tried to think that maybe it was a good sign and forced myself to swim on.

I really hoped that I would magically just swim along and look down at my watch to see that I had gone even further than the distance for the race, but that was not the case.  Open water swimming is challenging and I found myself out of breath quicker than expected.  I did some swimming with and against the current.  The race course states they could go either direction depending on current.  I can only hope that means they will put the swimmers with the current and not against it.  I stopped tracking yardage and just spent time feeling the water.  I also swam a bit without the wetsuit because although it has been wetsuit legal every year, there is a first time for everything – and it could be just my luck!

I wrapped up by playing in the waves with D2 and his giggling when he’d get carried closer to shore.  We packed up and headed home.  Once I got home, I searched for videos of the race start in years past.  It was very helpful to see how the racers enter the water.  It was also helpful to get an idea of how far out the buoy is placed so I can practice fighting the waves to get out that far before the turn to go parallel with the shoreline.  This weekend made me realize how unprepared I was for the swim.  I mean, I knew I felt unprepared, but these two swims really solidified that.  I realized that I had a few choices.  I could completely quit.  I checked and I could change my distance to sprint or even just change to a duathlon.   Or, I could get off my butt and figure out how the heck I could accomplish the race I intended to do.

I decided on the latter.  I started researching plans to take someone from zero to swimming a mile.  I just so happened to find a plan online that theoretically could have me swim a mile in six weeks.  Well, I don’t have six weeks, but I do have five and I need to swim about .65-.75 miles (depending how straight I swim).  I am more determined than ever.  I’m still looking forward to it.  I want to at least know that I did everything I possibly could at this point to succeed.

On Monday, I packed my swim bag and headed to work.  All day, I thought about the new plan I had.  All day, I pictured myself in the pool and swimming according to the plan.  I actually couldn’t wait to get to the pool!  I got in and did my best to swim according to the plan.  Unfortunately, it didn’t go as well as I had hoped, but I think most important of all, I stuck with it.  I didn’t let the negative thoughts in.  On Tuesday, I went in with the same enthusiasm and could honestly say I loved it.  It was hard, and as I sit here typing this, my shoulders hurt, but I have learned so much in the last few days.  I learned for certain that until this week, I never really pushed myself in swimming like I did this week.  I learned that if I practice anything enough, I can see progress.  While I haven’t quite yet seen the progress in swimming, I have seen it in how my outlook of things and that alone is a major accomplishment!