Life

I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want lately. I’m not referring to tech or training gadgets (though I do have a list of those that I want). I’m referring to my day-to-day. For so many years, I just wanted a job that I did not dread going to. I didn’t want to physically feel sick to my stomach on those days that I knew were going to be rough. I have that now, which I am grateful for, but still wonder sometimes what I would do if I could choose anything. I often wonder what it is like to love what you do. Don’t get me wrong, my job is fine but it’s not something I love to do. I don’t get excited to go to work each morning. I don’t look forward to Mondays, ever. I know a few people who love what they do. My sister is a massage therapist and loves what she does. She enjoys it enough that she’s willing to do it for friends and family on her days off. I cannot imagine even remotely wanting to do my job on my day off.

I thought about going back to school and maybe getting my degree, but I found a few flaws in that plan. First and foremost, I have no idea what I would even want to go to school for! Secondly, it’s expensive and will take quite some time to finish. Quite frankly, I am too old for that crap and I have too many responsibilities that I need a paycheck for right now. Even if I pursue something attainable in this lifetime, I’ll be what, 45 when I just start my new career? More than likely that new position, even if I love it, won’t pay what I make today…. Oh, and did I mention I have no idea what that career would be?

I tried to go a different route with my thoughts. Let’s play the imaginary lottery win game. What would I do then? What do I love enough that if money didn’t matter, I would want to get up every day and do? Well, there are a few contenders there. I have and will always love photography. I would immediately open a portrait studio. They don’t make much these days as everyone has amazing camera technology. Photographers are everywhere, some good, others not, but everywhere. I love training and helping people train. I’d become a personal trainer, or life coach. I could see loving doing that every day. I’d also write more. I’d work on that book I started so very long ago. Alas, I have not won the lottery. Maybe I should be a party planner, because I certainly had the most amazing pity party for myself once I came to the realization that none of the things I love would ever be able to compensate me enough, not without putting my family at risk and that is something I just cannot do.

Darin noticed I was a little down and asked what was up. I told him how I envied that he loved what he did, that he looked forward to new clients and jobs. That he had enough confidence in himself to sell his services and how his love for what he does shows in every project. I am sure I mentioned before that he is made of amazing. He asked me a very insightful question…. Why can’t you do any of those things on the side to start? My immediate answer was that I didn’t want to take time away from them for another extracurricular activity. I already train several hours a week. How can I justify taking chunks out of our evenings or weekends? He said that if it made me happy, he thought that I would eventually find that if I put my mind to it, I could maybe end up making a career out of it. I don’t know if I believe that, but that’s probably because I don’t believe in myself enough. It’s something I know and try to work on.

Thanks to the fact that my old job paid ridiculous money and I turned to retail for therapy, I actually have all the photography equipment I could ever need to set up some shoots. I just need to start taking my camera with me again. I used to take tons of photos and one day, just stopped. I don’t know why. Before the holidays, I took the camera out again and started reminding myself of how to shoot. It’s been fun trying to remember what settings I need in a given situation. It’s not like riding a bike, at least for me. It takes some time getting back into it. My training will continue, of course, and as far as helping people I am going to work on that as well. Once this March triathlon is over, I am going to work my schedule out to allow for more of that. Darin also convinced me to take the plunge and pay for a class to become a certified personal trainer. That took a lot of convincing. I am scared to fail, or maybe even worse, to get certified and still be the type of person who cannot “sell themselves.” Then what? Well, he told me that if that happens, then the worst case is I gained a lot of knowledge to use for myself and family and friends. He also reminded me how much I love to learn. That was enough to convince me.

So, for the next several months, I will be a tri-training, student of personal training, photography geek. I read some meme or something that said “make a list of the things you love and make a list of what you do each day, compare and adjust accordingly.” It may not help me quit my day job, but they are certainly things I can look forward to each day. Who knows, maybe even at my age something will come out of it. If not, maybe I will get to experience loving what I do, even if its only part-time and for free!

Like most people, I get excited for the new year. I think of all the things I’ll get to experience. A crisp new calendar on the wall. Another Easter, Mother’s and Father’s Day will be here before we know it. My boy will be turning 11, and more birthdays for the family will set holidays in motion once again as they do every year. And of course, I look forward to training and the experiences that will come with the races this year.

While I’m excited for the new things to come, I’m not exactly a “New Year’s person.” You would not have found me awake at midnight last night, if the fireworks hadn’t woke me. I rarely stay up for the countdown. These days, I’d rather just get some sleep and get the new day started early as usual. The other thing you won’t see from me, is any New Year’s resolutions. I really don’t like the concept of them. From what I read, about 8% are successful. I’m sure there are a hundred reasons why they fail, but from my past experience and the resolutions of friends and family, there are three that stand out.

The first of these is timing. Many people get excited for the New Year. The “fresh start” so to speak, and I get that. Too many of those people decide to make these resolutions, these changes simply because of the date on the calendar. From what I have seen, it takes a lot for most people to make lasting changes in their lives. If they really aren’t ready, the attempt will fail. What makes them ready because the calendar changed? Nothing but the thought that the fresh start should trigger a change. I do my best not to let dates of any kind dictate change. If I want to make a change or set a goal, I do it immediately, if possible. I try to never think things like “on Monday, I’ll start…” It just doesn’t work well. I see too many people go out and use their holiday gift cards on new workout gear and set it aside waiting for the ball to drop.

The second thing I see that causes failure, is setting too large a resolution. For some reason, it seems that people think a resolution should be grandiose in nature. They think they need to go big, or go home. We are a society of immediate gratification. When these resolutions are set with such high expectation they are nearly unachievable, without time. There is no instant gratification, but there can be. Forget the resolutions and instead set small, measurable goals. These expectations of losing a bunch of weight or eating more healthy are useless. Don’t get me wrong, having dreams and big goals has its purpose, but they should not be what you are shooting for every day. Someone who wants to lose 50 pounds didn’t gain it in a month. Setting a goal to lose it all would feel like an eternity, but setting a small measurable goal, like moving for 10 minutes each day would be successful more times than not. By achieving these small goals each day, motivation is plenty and eventually the end goal will be met.

The final thing that I see sabotaging these resolutions, are minor setbacks that are considered failures. If someone whose resolution is to “eat healthy” and they get convinced to have that slice of cake at the office birthday party, all the sudden the resolution is broken so all bets are off. The day is ruined, so it’s pizza for dinner. Every time that person eats, they have the potential to succeed. If it doesn’t go well, there is likely another opportunity around the corner. Every chance is a learning opportunity.

Before I get off my soap box, I will ask that you keep those big goals on a shelf in the back of your mind. They are up there like shiny trophies to be earned. Don’t make a resolution, but set small specific goals, almost too easy to achieve that will lead you down the path to success and that big goal will come eventually. If you are ready to make a change, don’t wait for a change in the calendar, start immediately. We only have so many days to enjoy this amazing life. Control the things you can, accept the things you can’t, and set yourself up for success, every day!

So Possible´

What do you want?

Resolution, Never!