Month: June 2019

Triathlon

Murphy Making the Way to Camp

Before I get to talking about my actual camp experience, I want to share how my travel day went.  I had scheduled a 2:30pm flight that landed in TN at about 4pm.  That was perfect, because I planned to hit the hotel, check in and drop off my bags, grab some water and food items for the week at Publix, and then proceed to the team welcome dinner from 6-8pm.  I didn’t set an alarm, figuring I would have a nervous night and could use as much sleep as possible.  We thought we would let D2 stay home from camp and we’d get some breakfast and hang out a bit.  We’d grab some lunch on the way to the airport and off I would go!  It was a solid plan. 

As expected, I had a nervous night thinking about all the things I packed, anything I might have missed and of course “what was I thinking!”  At 5:00am I awoke to a text message sound.  It was from Jet Blue stating that my flight was going to be delayed by a good hour or so.  I was kind of bummed because I knew that the dinner was where everyone would meet and would hopefully help people get comfortable with one another.  Almost all the people in camp have gone before, so there are a lot of them that know each other and I knew none of them.  I figured that I would skip the hotel and go straight to the restaurant and I’d be a little late but I would still make it to at least meet everyone. 

We had breakfast and hung out some.  I finished packing my last minute items and I got my bike apart and all packed up.  Not much later, I got another text.  Flight has been further delayed, but they ask that you still arrive at your original departure time because they were trying to get the flight out earlier than their projected time.  Darn. 

I tried to find out if I could get a refund, as there was another airline with a flight similar to the one I had.  The airline said they would refund the leg because at that point it was over a 2 hour delay.  The new flight was about twice as much as the refund would have been, so I decided not to do it.  I wasn’t sure if that was the right thing or not, but I just could not justify spending even more money at that point.  I figured, I am exactly where I am supposed to be.  Mayne there is a reason for all this.  We are only given what we can handle, blah blah blah.  Yeah right, I was pissed and upset but still couldn’t justify the money so I sulked a bit and moved on. 

I figured I would go ahead and get there around when I should have for the original flight but not necessarily rush either.   I figured the extra time wouldn’t be too bad given I have never flown with a bike before and wasn’t sure how all that would go.  We got some lunch in the early afternoon and headed to the airport.  The boys dropped me off and I headed in.  I went to the kiosk and printed my luggage tags.  A lady told me to go over to a guy, who then told me to go to the lady that just sent me to him.  Awesome.  I had plenty of time, so I figured I’d be as chill as I could and not let anything rile me up.  I went back to the lady who said “I told you to over there!”  I laughed and said “I know, and he sent me back to you.  My flight is delayed so if you want I can keep going back and forth between you guys like a game of pong.”  I don’t think she knew what pong was, but either way it didn’t’ really seem to register.  I said “I think he sent me over here because this is a bike”…. “Oh! That’s a bike?!” she replied.  Now, allow me to stray for a moment.  Anyone who works in an airport or with luggage in any way should know that this bag is not just a piece of luggage.  You may not know it is a bike, but you know it is huge and way bigger than what they allow for normal luggage.  I had already prepared and budgeted for the extra fee, I just wasn’t sure where to pay it.  After she realized it was not normal luggage, and a bike as I explained, she let me pass so I could go pay my fee.  They took both the bike bag and my main bag and I headed over to sit and begin the long wait. 

I read some, I went into the store and got a water, and then settled into what was actually a nice almost quiet spot in the terminal area.  It was like a little know gem hidden off to the side.  It had outlets where I charged my phone and I just settled in.  Eventually my eyes became heavy and reading was no longer an option so I pulled out my Rubik’s cube.  In case you didn’t know, D2 had gotten into cubing a while back and he taught me how to solve it.  For mothers day he got me a “faster” cube that turns smoother and is pretty neat.  I started fiddling with it, and trying to solve it.  It so happens that I am a little rusty and I would get it to a point and then realize I missed a step or something and would have to start over.  I finally got it and smiled.  Pleased with myself, I raised my head and realized a lady with a thick foreign accent had been watching me.  “Yay!  That’s great, you did it!”  I was a little embarrassed, but thanked her for the complement.  She told me that she tried to do it and never could.  I told her my son was teaching me and that it was something we liked to do together.  A couple minutes later, I got another text. 

My flight was delayed again!  At this point, the new departure time was going to be at 6:10pm.  I continued to switch between reading my book, looking at garbage on the internet and cubing.  Finally at 5:40 they said they were going to begin boarding shortly and might even take off a few minutes before 6.  The gate changed, so we all had to walk to the other end of the terminal.  We got boarded and I finally felt like things were moving forward.  We got all boarded and pulled away from the gate.  My tv screen in front of me had issues, and was only in back and white, but I didn’t care because I was at least able to watch forged in fire!  About 5 minutes later, the captain came onto the intercom to tell us that the airport has frozen all departures due to weather.  Seriously? 

I am not sure how long it was after that, but my guess would be about 15-20 minutes and we finally took off.  I couldn’t help but think that maybe the universe was telling me it was a bad idea to go to camp.  I mean, I was already wondering what I was thinking.  Maybe fate was also trying to point out that this was a bad move!  Well, I was already in the air, so not much to be done at that point.  We got to TN and started the initial decent when the pilot came on the intercom and told us that we could not land due to bad weather.  For reals.  I think I am cursed at this point and the lady next to me busted out laughing and said “what else could go wrong with this flight?!”  That’s when the pilot got back on to let us know that we would circle for around 20-30 minutes and if the storm did not clear, we would have to divert to another airport due to not having enough fuel to just hang out.  Ok fate, I give up.  I told myself if we friggin land in an airport other than the one I booked, I am going to exchange my return flight for the next one home.  I would get the hint already!  About 20 minutes later, the pilot came back on the intercom.  This was the moment of truth.  I was either going to camp or I was going the heck home.  He said to please return to our seats and fasten our seatbelts as we were going to make the final decent.  Finally! 

We landed and I headed to baggage claim.  The flight before us came first, so I just waited, all the while trying to figure out how the heck my bike bag would even fit on the conveyor.  I watched as some pretty big bags came through, but nothing like mine.  My other bag came out and I waited for a few minutes more before deciding to go talk to someone and see where my bag would be.  You’d think they would tell you when you bring and pay for something like that, how you get it back at the other end, but of course they don’t.  The guy at the information center (all the way across the other end of the baggage area) told me there should be a double door by the conveyor and they would put it there.  I walked back to the conveyor area and stood by the double doors.  Nothing.  A few minutes later I hear an announcement: “The person on flight 181 with a bike can come get it at the double doors by bagged claim number 6.”  Great, back the other way.  I finally got my bike and headed to the rental car area.   

There was one person in front of me, so I decided to get my confirm number and license out so I could get moving as fast as possible.  I pulled out my little wallet thingy and my license was not there.  My heart sank.  Did I get it back from the security lady?  How the heck was I going to get my car, or my room, how would I fly home?!  I sank to my knees in the middle of the waiting area and began to franticly look for my ID.  It was in a pocket of my backpack that I swear I do not recall putting anything in, let alone my ID that always goes back in it’s little window.  I can’t explain it, but at that moment, I didn’t even try.  I sucked back the tears that were about to fall down my face and got up to go get my vehicle.  The person showed me the pickup truck that was going to be my ride for the next few days.  It was a brand new huge pickup truck.  I got that because I have to take my bike to different places on this trip and that was the only vehicle I knew for sure would hold it, other than an SUV but those were more expensive!  The sales person offered me the extra insurance.  Now, normally I decline this.  I have good insurance and I know it covers a rental just like my own car.  It’s an extra chunk of change that I don’t really need to spend.  If an accident happens, I will have to pay the deductible but the car is covered.  The way this trip was going led me to go against my norm and I bought that crap!  I was glad I did because it was one less stress on me and that thing is a beast! 

My ride while in town

I finally got to the hotel at 10pm local time, which is 2 hours past my body’s normal bedtime.  I grabbed a bag of chips and a couple bottles of water and went to my room.  I chomped the chips (dinner) and began to unpack the things I needed for the next day.  Had this been a vacation, I would have just pulled out my pj’s and went to bed, but this is camp and I needed to leave for the lake at 5am the next morning.  I also had to bring my bike because we would not be returning to our hotels between the lake and bike ride, so that meant I needed to assemble my bike before I could go to bed.  I finished getting all my stuff together as far as what I would wear and bring with me to the lake, the bike ride and the run the following morning and stared at the bike box, hoping that when I opened it the bike would just pop out.  I hoped that it was a magical bike box, like tents in Harry Potter.  If you don’t know what I am referring to, shame on you.  Go watch Harry Potter, the one where the vampire from twilight dies.  Anyway, I opened the muggle box and my bike was just as disassembled as it was when I put it in there.  I had half a freak out for a moment when things were loose that I was not sure should be loose so I called poor Darin to face time with my bike and tell me if was broken.  Was part of me secretly hoping it was not able to be used the following day…. Abso-friggin-lutely!  But I also like my bike so was glad it was ok.  It took way longer than it would have if I was awake when I did it, but I finally got it together. 

It was sometime after midnight when I finally got in my pajamas, turned off the lights and finally put my head on the pillow.  I will say that the bed and bedding at this hotel is fantastic.  It was very nice, I had the air down low, the blankets up high and I crashed almost immediately.  What a day.  I’d appreciate it if Murphy’s law could back the heck off.  

Life, Triathlon

What was I thinking?!

They say hindsight is 20/20 and I could not agree more.  Sometimes, when I am not sure of what to do, I try to think of the different outcomes and what my hindsight will be.  Will I look back on this and maybe be mad or will I be glad?  Sometimes there’s just no predicting what can happen.  Sometimes you just wonder…what was I thinking?!   That’s where I am right now.  At this moment, I am in the middle of packing to go to triathlon camp.  Yes, it’s a real thing!  Yes, grown ups go to camp!  And yes, I signed up!  What is triathlon camp you might ask?  Well, it’s where people who do triathlon get together and well… triathlon.  It’s supposed to give you the opportunity to meet other like minded people who are coached by the same coach and on the same team.  It gives you an opportunity to train with them, hang with them and better yourself along side of them. 

As I pack my bags I ask myself what was I thinking?!  Why?  Well, I am not a social person, I’m not the most “people person” of people.  I don’t feel like I “friend” well, and I generally like to train alone.  So, what was I thinking?  I actually figured that part out.  You see, I signed up to attend the August 2018 camp and I know exactly why.  Towards the last half of 2017 and start of 2018, I was in my best athletic form.  I really felt like an athlete.  I know I was not the fastest or fittest compared to anyone else, but I was the fastest and fittest I had been in years!  I felt like I was actually going to get this triathlon thing and I wanted to push myself out of my comfort zone any and every time I could!  I was ready for this and I signed up!  I knew it would be hard, and it would be way challenging, not just from the physical work but the socialization piece.  I was ready…. And then I was wasn’t anymore.  Not from my own choice, but not long after I signed up, I found out I was going to need surgery.  I would be out of commission for a few weeks, but I tried to keep a positive outlook.  Then I found out my foot was broken and knew I would not be able to train right for months.  My coach and I decided to postpone to the following year.  I was glad at the time, because I was stressed enough and this was one less thing to worry about.

I told myself that once I was cleared to train again, I would crush it!  I was going to get even fitter, and faster!  Yes, I was starting over, but that was ok.  I was getting the chance to do it right from the ground up.  All that sounds awesome on paper.  I didn’t realize how hard it would be to put into reality.  The truth is, I was upset.  I wanted to cry.  I wanted to ask why me.  I wanted to feel sorry for myself…. But I have seen so many people suffer more that I felt selfish in the way I was feeling.  I berated myself for feeling that way.  I told myself to shut up and be grateful.  I’ve been telling myself that for a year and I have come to realize lately that it was the wrong way to approach it.  In hindsight, I wish I would have let that wave of emotion take me to where I needed to go so that I could get back to doing what I needed to do.  Instead, I kept the conflict inside me and it caused me a lot of self doubt and getting into a dangerous spiral of negative self talk.

I tried to turn things around and I really thought I had at my last triathlon.  That too I had signed up for back when I was fitter.  Part of me had no desire to go, but I had paid and figured I was going to at the very least get my medal and go home.  I got to the start line and for the first time in my life, the swim didn’t look that long.  I was actually feeling, dare I say, confident?  The race started, I got in the water and panic ensued.  It was different this time.  In the past, I tell myself to push through.  I may not be swimming it right, I may be on my back, but I finish.  This time, I know deep down I didn’t even care.  Looking back, I feel like I let the panic in and let it win.  The next thing I knew I had tuned around and gotten out of the water.  I had quit.  I grabbed my gear and left. 
That was back in March and I was hoping it was my rock bottom and that I would want to really put the effort in to redeem myself, but I just haven’t.  I’ve been going through the motions in training and letting my eating slip little by little.  Part of me wants to keep trying until I succeed, but part of me wonders how many clues I need before realizing that maybe this just isn’t for me.  I shared this with my coach and he said that this sport should definitely be fun and not a chore, but also is supposed to be hard.  He said he knows I can do it, and he can help me get past the fear.  This camp is going to be my decision point.  I wish I were more ready.  I wish I had pushed myself to get that fitness back.  At this point, I fully expect to be the last person at everything we do.  I kind of have to accept that.  I just didn’t put the work in for that not to be the case.  I can’t help but think about what it would be like if I had, but I can’t change that now.  I’m pretty terrified!

There are a few things that I am looking forward to for camp.  The first, is meeting and getting to work with my coach in person.  At first I wasn’t sure that coaching from long distance was going to work but it didn’t take long to realize that it didn’t matter and he’s a great coach.  The second thing I am looking forward to, is figuring out what I am going to do from here.  I decided that camp is my turning point.  If working with the team can get me past this open water fear, I think it will renew my love for the sport and hopefully inspire me to get back to where I was or ever surpass that.  If I can’t get over the fear, or it doesn’t inspire me then my decision will be made to put triathlon on hold.  I can’t keep going through the motions.  I want whatever training I do, to bring me joy!  If it’s not triathlon, that’s ok.  I will amp up my run game and maybe throw in some strength training and mountain biking and I am ok with that.  Either prospect is exciting to me.  So, while part of me is terrified and wondering what I was thinking, the other part of me is excited and hopeful for the future.  Let’s hope in hindsight I am glad I went through with this!   I’ll be doing my best to document what happens at camp, so stay tuned!