Month: October 2016

Life

Before this blog, I shared very little with people, even people I am close to.  It’s funny because I find it very painful to think that people I know are reading it, but the whole point was to get out of my comfort zone and I promised to be brutally honest in the process.  I’m starting to get used to the idea that this thing is out there for whomever to see.  A coworker found it and told me, of course I was mortified, but I accepted that possibility when I launched it.  I still find myself a bit reserved sometimes and I really don’t want that.  Sharing is helping me in so many ways.  When I write a post, I try to do it from the heart, and that has really shown me how hard I can be on myself.  That is something I really need to change , but it’s a slow process.

The other day I was doing a weight training workout and was really working hard.  I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and smiled.  I felt really proud of the weight I was lifting and how strong I felt.  I got my phone and took a picture, just for me, and then I thought “I’m gonna post this on instagram… I get inspired when I see pics like this.”  I started to post it and immediately stopped.  I started having all these negative thoughts.  Is posting the photo being boastful?  Will people think I’m trying to say I look SO good, even though I know I have a long way to go?  Will people think I am looking for a bunch of responses telling me how great I look?  If I do this, am I a selfie away from being a Kardashian?  (You get the idea).

So many people in the fitness world post photos of their workouts and selfies at the gym.  I started thinking about those people.  Some, I am inspired by, others I feel are just  bragging, or attention seekers, or trying to push the latest fad diet product.  I told Darin how I felt and he said to post it.  He was right.  If I am going to share this journey, they I should share all of it.    So, I posted my first workout selfie.  It was scary, but once it was done there was no going back.  My comment was something like “learning to love and share what I worked so hard for.”  It’s a very true statement.   It made me think about those people who post their photos.  It made me realize that I have been very judgmental in my assumptions that some of them are posting them to boast.  Maybe some of them really are just like me, working hard and proud of it.  Maybe some of them are uncomfortable with posting the pics but putting themselves out there in the hopes that someone gets inspired.  Maybe they are jerks and being showy.  The point is, I don’t know them anymore than they know me, and the people that I care about know that my pride is the right kind.

I am glad I posted it, but I’m still a little cautious as to where the line is between being proud and sharing accomplishments in the hope that it inspires others, to becoming boastful and proud in a negative way.  I hope to have the courage to post more, because I AM proud of myself.  I’m proud that 6 days a week I get up and work hard to achieve my fitness goals.  I’m proud that 7days a week I work hard at my job, trying to eat right and be the best wife a mom I can be.  I have an amazing family and friends.  I’m so proud to be in their lives each day.  And yes, I am proud of my little “guns” because it took a long time to finally look at a photo of myself and really feel genuinely good about what I saw.

Bike

I have the POWER!!!

Well, not really.  Not yet anyway, but I will…someday.  So I went on my first ride with my new power meter, and just as expected, it told me I suck.  I have learned to be ok with that.  I am considering my power meter to me a lot like myself.  I’m that friend that will tell you the truth, even if it hurts because I feel like that’s the right thing to do.  My power meter does the same for me.  Whenever I researched power meters and sets that use the data, they always give examples of what the readings look like.  Mine, look nothing like those.  They are way lower.  What’s a girl to do?  Just keep training and try to focus on how to use the information to make myself a better cyclist.

Deep down I knew that I was not fully exerting myself on the bike.  It’s a recreational item after all.  I remember cycling as being a freeing, casual thing… a way to get from one place to another since I was too young to drive.  It never really felt hard (except that one time we tried to ride all the way to the beach and I had to stop).  It never really felt like work.  Maybe it’s youthful ignorance.  Maybe it’s that any of that pain fades from memory but if I had to describe cycling in one word when I was younger, I would have said “fun.”

I learned to push myself in the run, and when you are near drowning, you have no choice but to push yourself in the swim, but the bike was kind of just there.  I am definitely scared of crashing and breaking bones, but even that aside, I never really tried really hard. I never pushed myself to that point that makes you groan a little and I think I need to do that.  The scary part, is that point generally goes hand in hand with speed and speed scares me.  I decided that I needed to change my training plan.  I know I am decent on the run already.  Sure, I am nowhere near as fast as other age groupers, but I am fine with my performance on the run.  I need to change out some of those run training days for cycling training days.

I decided that if I start on the trainer, I can keep the speed fears at bay and really figure out how to push myself on the bike.  I can focus easier with knowing that there is no outside stressors.  I won’t run over any creatures, no stop lights and no wet turns.  The unfortunate part is that I almost have had a harder time pushing myself indoors.  I love being outside and once I get going, I generally enjoy the ride or run.  That’s why I got rid of the treadmill.  I didn’t want to run on it.  For the bike, I think I can adjust.

I will say, that I am still very torn right now as of what to do.  I know I want to focus on the bike, but I was supposed to be focusing on the swim.  Is it possible to do both?  Am I going to make the Turkey Tri?  Do I even want to at this point?  Or do I want to pick one and focus on it?  If I do that, should it be the bike?  Ahhh the joy of multi-sport.  For now, I will push the best I can this week and see where my efforts lead me.  I know that on some days, I love each of the training types, on others I can’t stand one or more of them.  I didn’t feel like going at all today, but I am always glad when I do.